Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just gargled with NyQuil
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
