you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
