i already hear my dad disowning me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
