Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
