Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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