Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
