Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
whose parrot is this?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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