i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
