I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize