Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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