First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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