Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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