I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
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