1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
