I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
