hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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