So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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