well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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