I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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