i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
