We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
