but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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