Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
