Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
