Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
