I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
