Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize