I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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