physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
