PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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