I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
