Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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