apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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