I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
