Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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