I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize