he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
