i think i have herpe
just one?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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