So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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