He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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