What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
