If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
