I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The air taste purple.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
