theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
