i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
