so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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