Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize