all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
you never un-have a 4some
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize