i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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