garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
