I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
