you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
