Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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