come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize