It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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