There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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