well I can't set my house on fire every night
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
