My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
