it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
