whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
