i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
