Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
