my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize