all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
