haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
