She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
