i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
