Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
