My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
