I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It's never too late to be topless.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
