He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
