dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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