at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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