oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
