i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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