My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
