It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
