you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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