the new term for farting is butt boxing.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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