just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
