okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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