ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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