I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
