He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
