my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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